Learning How to Dance Upon Disappointment
I was going to title this something along the lines of "How I Dealt With My Breakup" or "Things I Learned From My Breakup", but I thought I'd try to get creative with the title. Those were a little too forward for my liking. Let me start by saying: by no means am I writing this because I think I'm a pro at breakups. I've only had one so far, and it was a painful process trying to figure out how to navigate through it. I wouldn't wish a breakup upon anyone. They're the worst!
That being said, I know how difficult going through a breakup can be. And that’s why I'm writing this…because who knows, what I’ve gone through/learned through my breakup might help you with yours.
Trying to figure out what to do after the breakup was hard, but these are things I did to help me get back on my feet:
1) I did things that make me happy, like longboarding, jumping on trampolines and playing dodgeball (If you haven't gone to Skyzone before, you should go. It's a fun way to blow off steam.), going to the movies (praise the Lord for the reopening of the dollar theater in my city), shooting a basketball around, dates with my girlfriends, adventuring to places I've never been before, eating at new restaurants, weekend getaways, making new friends, going to stores and trying on clothes I know I'm not gonna buy, going on my dream road trip over spring break with two of my best girls, etc.
2) I found my own way of coping with missing him. I love to journal. So instead of giving in and texting or calling him, I would write to him in a journal that's for my eyes only. It really helped me get my thoughts out of my head and find closure with the situation.
3) I made a point to dress nicer. I didn't do it to get compliments or attention from anyone. I did it for myself. Like most people, I feel better and more confident when I look nice. "Look good, feel good."
4) I stopped avoiding the places we used to go to all the time. I'm a nostalgic person, so for a while I actively avoided the places that held some of my favorite memories with him because I didn't want to ruin them or replace them. But my friend put it best: it doesn't replace the old memories. You can still look back at those places with fondness, but you should also allow new good memories to happen there. (That really helped me out, because there was no way I could curb my Chipotle craving any longer. lol)
5) I leaned on my friends and family for support. Seriously, I am SO thankful to have my friends and family. They've shown me nothing but love. Because of them, my freezer never ran out of my favorite ice cream and my vase always had beautiful flowers in them.
6) I listened to worship music everyday. On the really rough days, I kept my earphones in throughout my entire day, blasting music so loud that I couldn't even hear my own thoughts. Probably not good for my hearing, but hey, it helped keep negative thoughts away. This song really helped get me through my breakup:
"Even When It Hurts (I'll Praise You)" by Hillsong United
Listen to this version. It's my favorite.
7) I buried myself in the Word of God. One of the best pieces of advice that my friend gave me was that it is okay to cry, but what will really help is to cry out to God and cast your cares on Him. That way you are pointing your sorrows, your thoughts, and your worries to the One who can do something about it.
So whenever I would cry, I would cry in prayer, or while singing a worship song, or over an open Bible.
Whenever I would start doubting God, I would answer my doubts with His promises.
And whenever loneliness would start to sink in, I would pray even harder and find comfort in His presence.
Here are some verses that helped me through my breakup.
8) I forced myself to "choose joy"every day. There were days where I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep or cry or binge watch a show. There's a time to do all those things, but please don't stay there. I'm not saying that you should go skip around and pretend to be Little Miss Sunshine. I know how much this hurts, and I know how sad you feel. "Choosing joy" means choosing to see God in the middle of this crappy situation and to rely on Him for strength. "In His presence, there is fullness of joy." (Psalm 16:11)
9) I did not let myself dwell on the "big picture". I'm a planner, so my best friend had to really stress this to me. She encouraged me to take it day by day. Today has enough troubles of its own. It takes baby steps!
10) I asked God to awaken new dreams in me. I really wanted to shift my focus off of my situation and onto God's big plan for my life and the dreams and passions that He's given me. There are so many more things to be excited about!
Lastly, I took people's advice like a grain of salt. Everyone means well when they are giving breakup advice. But here's the thing...Not all breakups look the same. Because of that, there's no "one-size-fits-all" advice that anyone can give. People are going to tell you what to do and how to cope and what a breakup should or shouldn't look like, but at the end of the day, each breakup is different just like each relationship is different. You can even try to mimic each of the things I did to deal with my breakup, and it may not work for you like it did for me. But in the slight chance that it could help at least one person out there, I figured that writing this would be worth it.
The phrase "It's gonna be okay", although the most annoying and overstated saying when going through a breakup, is sometimes the best thing people can say. Because it really is going to be okay. Time heals (another cliche, but also true), and if you let God carry you through it, you'll be surprised by how fast you'll get back on your feet.
Although this was one of the hardest things I've gone through, it has also become the most valuable thing. My faith got some major stretch marks. I got to the point where I stopped questioning God and decided to simply trust Him. And that's where faith really comes in... Because it is so easy to trust Him on the good days, and then turn away from Him when everything doesn't work out the way we want it to. But I promise you, it is SO worth it to trust Him with all you've got. I don't have everything figured out, but I do know for a fact that I could not have gotten through this without Him. He is continuing to teach my feet to dance upon disappointment. That means that no matter what I face, I am joyful and confident that He is working all things for my good. If you're skeptical, just give it a shot and see what happens. I guarantee that He will show himself faithful in your situation.
For those who are trying to get over a breakup, take this time to really lean on God more than ever before, to grow yourself, to do things you love to do, and to look forward with hope and anticipation that the best is yet to come.
It only gets better from here.
xoxo