What Surrender Feels Like
I wish I could say that surrender is easy.
I wish I could say that the moment you choose to surrender your life to God, it will feel effortless, like everything suddenly falling into place, or like a weight immediately being lifted off your shoulders.
But if I’m being real with you, surrender can initially feel like a wrestle, it can feel like you're left in the dark, and it can feel like a loss.
In time, the joy will come, the peace will come, the rest will come, and the reassurance will come.
In time, you will understand why God asks for your whole heart. You’ll understand why God asks you to trust Him with areas of your life that you don’t want to give to Him. You’ll understand that His intention is not to take things away. You’ll understand that His heart is not to tease you or play games with your life. You’ll understand that in your surrender, He will meet you. He will use and transform any heartache, any loss, and any disappointment into something good.
And I totally get if you’re sitting here rolling your eyes at all of that. Trust me, I know that surrender doesn’t always look pretty. I've seen the beauty that has come from surrendering my life to the Lord. But I'm not going to deny that it can look terrible when you're having to let go of certain dreams or relationships, when you're stuck waiting, or when you keep encountering closed doors. During those times, people always say things along the lines of “God knows what's best!" or "God has something so much better for you. Just wait.” And whenever I hear those things, I always get so frustrated. I get what they’re saying, and I know that they’re right. But in my head, I can't help but think, “DOES HE REALLY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME!? LIKE ACTUALLY!? BECAUSE IT SURE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT!" or “I DON’T WANT WHAT’S 'BETTER'; I JUST WANT WHAT I WANT.”
If it feels
a) uncomfortable
b) scary
c) like you’re going against human nature
d) like you’re entering the not-so-great unknown
or
e) all of the above
It's because all of those things are accurate descriptions of what surrender feels like.
And you know what - it’s okay to bring those thoughts and feelings to God. Be honest and raw and real with Him; He can take it. That’s a part of being in a relationship - being honest. And 10/10 times He will respond with so much love and grace. The fact of the matter is that you're dealing with a God who loves you so much. This life of faith and surrender won’t always make sense, and it will straight up suck sometimes...but God has never let me down. Not once. And this is coming from a girl who has wrestled with God over this concept of surrender and who has cried many, many, many tears over disappointments and seemingly dead ends.
In choosing to have a relationship with God, you're also choosing to trust Him. So you've got to trust that when He reroutes your life, it’s because He knows what’s best. You've got to trust His timing. You've got to trust that He says who He says He is. You've got to trust that He keeps His promises. You've got to trust that your life is in the hands of someone who wants nothing but the best for you. Although trusting Him may be the last thing you want to do, give Him the opportunity to show Himself trustworthy.
Each day that you choose to surrender is another day that God will show Himself good and faithful. Soon you will see the patterns of His love, and because of that, it will become easier and easier to surrender, to trust, and to praise Him - even when it hurts, even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's scary, and even when it doesn't make sense.
It's time to move past feelings and into faith. He can only step in in the areas that you let Him, and it will blow your mind to see what He can do with your life once it's completely His.
If you’re having a hard time fully surrendering yourself to the Lord and you’re doubting if God will hold up His end, here’s a whole bunch of hope you can hold onto.
And here's one for the road:
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God. Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God, turn your backs on the world’s “sure thing".
(Psalm 40:1 NIV, 2-4 MSG)
xoxo