Almost, but Never Enough by Raquel Narragon
To be brutally honest, in my short 23 years of life I have grown to be pretty insecure in my relationships with other people.
Since I was young I have felt like everyone around me was holding sand sifters - ya know those things that allow the small grains of sand to seep through the cracks to leave only the beautiful things that have been previously buried? Only in this scenario - I'm one of those grains of sand. I'm just something that is being held for a time but eventually falls through the cracks and is inevitably seen as invaluable and forgotten about.
Always the friend that took the pictures that made it on Instagram and never the friend that was important enough to make it into the photo. (Which seems really lame in hindsight but hey, in the moment it's pretty disappointing!)
Always the friend in the group that would maybe get the invite, but just did not fit in with the group as well as all the other girls did.
Always the girl with the crush but never the girl that was actually wanted.
I felt like I had finally beaten this insecurity when I was 20-21 years old and had my first serious relationship. It was surely heading for marriage. This confidence was instilled in me through spoken affirmation that this man was going to stand by my side forever. (The Lord had other plans LOL)
My insecurity was only swept under a rug. This rug being, a relationship with a man who treated me well, loved me well, and made me feel good about myself. I had placed all my confidence in this relationship and that was dangerous. I had no idea what I was actually getting myself into.
When this relationship ended my insecurity was left uncovered by this rug and my trust in others had plummeted. What made this hurt worse than any friendship I had lost was the fact that he knew me better than any friend ever had. He knew the real me. I was left thinking the real me truly was not enough to get him (or anyone) to actually stay.
All I could ask myself was, "What is wrong with me?"
"Am I too boring?"
"Am I not cool enough?"
"Am I not funny enough?"
"Am I not pretty enough?"
"When people meet the real me are they disappointed?"
The only conclusion I could ever come to was the fact that at the end of the day, I was not enough to make people stay.
This hurt was a turning point in my relationship with the Lord. All these insecurities I had about myself and the lack of trust I had for people was leaving me feeling empty. This time around I finally decided to bring my insecurities to the Lord. The place I should have brought these insecurities first.
The truth is, the only person that will never let us down is Jesus Christ. Now, I'm not suggesting you accept the fact that you will always be disappointed by others and always be hurt by the people around you. But if you base your worth off of your earthly relationships and not on your relationship with God - you will be left feeling insecure every time.
"Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever." (Psalm 136:26)
God is steadfast and enduring in His pursuit of us.
Steadfast: loyal, committed, dutifully firm and unwavering.
Endure: remain in existence, last, survive, continue, persist.
No human being can bring this kind of love to the table. And that is okay.
As I began to pursue Christ, all the insecurities began to slip away. I started to notice that the people around me did love me and I was enough. The Lord's whisper of love speaks louder than the enemies cries of insecurity and negativity.
God sacrificed His only son with YOU in mind. If the Creator of the entire universe sees you with that kind of importance, surely nothing on earth can strip that importance from you.
Getting rid of this insecurity is a fight. But you have the weapons to combat the lies of the enemy, which is what these feelings are. They are lies.
This is the truth that the Lord speaks into these insecurities:
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
Insecurity in my relationships is something I still have to give to the Lord every day. But now, I know exactly what to speak to them in order to overcome them.
We have a Father who gave His entire life on the cross, just to show us how much we are worth to Him.
That sacrifice, that unconditional love, that victory - it's more powerful than any insecurity or any relationship we could have here on earth (even the ones that stick around). When these truths are spoken they rewrite the way we see friendships and our own worth.
Because no matter what the people around you (or lack thereof) make you feel... you're pretty freaking worth it. And you better not let anyone or anything let you feel otherwise... it's not biblical. ;)
AUTHOR: RAQUEL NARRAGON