The In Between by Erica Ludwig

In between beer in a basement and a Napa Valley vacation

In between hometown and a neon city

In between underestimated and overexpectated

Who I was and who I'm gonna be

Sometimes I'm my mother's daughter, sometimes I'm her friend

Sometimes I play grown up and sometimes I play pretend

Sometimes I'm a princess dressed all ribbons and all curls

And sometimes I just wanna scream, “I'm not a little girl“

Dumb enough to think I know it all

Smart enough to know I don't

Young enough to think I'll live forever

Old enough to know I won't

- Kelsea Ballerini, “In Between”

It dawned on me just the other day that it’s already been 10 years since I was in middle school. TEN YEARS?! How did that happen?  In 2008, I was a 13 year-old girl who fell in love with performing. I can vividly remember my desire to be center stage, the leading lady, in more ways than one.

“When I’m older, I’ll have it all together”, I would think. “I’ll go to college, meet a great guy, graduate, get a job and we’ll get married and it’ll be great. Happily Ever After.” Ironically enough, my one speaking solo in that production of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella was “I wish I were an older girl!”. Technically, I was talking about having a shot at the prince, but I digress.

Today, my life looks nothing like a Cinderella story. At 23, I still love musical theatre, so much that I’m working for a Broadway presenter in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I have the job I’ve always wanted: getting to live in the south/midwest while still traveling frequently. I live about 4 and a half hours from my hometown of Fort Worth, Texas, where all of my family still resides. I graduated college with honors and on time. I am single with no prospects and two roommates.  

Growing up, we’re constantly striving for the next role, the next grade, the next achievement. We so desperately crave the freedom and independence that comes with getting your license, graduating high school and moving out on our own. What no one tells you is one day you’ll turn around and wonder how you ended up where you are now. No one warns you about the gap years: in between who you’ve been and who you want to be. I never dreamed I would be living in Oklahoma after college, and yet I’m going into my third year this June. When did I go from the girl ready to take on New York City to the girl just trying to find her way in the midwest?

Now if you’re like me, you probably look at people like Ben Platt, who is a Tony and Grammy winner, or Aly Raisman, who is an Olympic gymnast and female powerhouse and think, “they’re the same age as me, what am I even doing with my life?”  The answer to that is simple: they are on their chosen path, and you are on yours. Everyone’s journey looks different. After all, you only see the highlights of their lives, not the hours of work or the low moments where they question their purpose. What’s important to remember is that it’s not a competition as to who can be the best millennial. It’s about lifting up your peers as you all work towards your goals. Who knows, maybe together, you can change the world, or at least one life.

We all know it's uncomfortable, this in-between time. It’s like being in middle school all over again, but as an adult. The only difference is, you trade braces for bills and boys only get more complicated. Your choices have more weight. You don’t necessarily have to wait for some monumental occasion to make that move, or write that book. The only thing standing between your passions and putting them into action is you.

Really, life is one big In Between. We’re constantly transitioning from one thing to the next. Finishing one chapter only to start another. I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone. It’s okay to not have it all figured out, as long as you keep going.

“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney  

You moved to LA to pursue acting but think you’d rather write? Go for it. It’s okay to change your mind. If there’s a time to figure out who you are, it’s now, when your biggest responsibility is you. The comfort that comes from the in between is knowing you aren’t alone. God is always with you, but believe me, your fellow 20 somethings are right there with you too. I’m right there with you.

I know this season is a time of building, of laying a foundation I will thank myself for when I’m a girlfriend, wife and mother. I’m the leading lady of my own story, and for now, that’s okay. Is it hard being single? Yes, but I’m choosing every day to make the most of this time because I know it's only temporary. It has been in this in-between season that I’ve really gotten to know myself better, inside and out. I’ve learned and continue to learn why I am the way that I am, what I’m passionate about, and what I’m looking for in a man as a partner.

One of my favorite scriptures the last year has been out of the book of Isaiah. It is my constant reminder to see God’s faithfulness in your past while looking ahead to the future. God is constantly doing new things, working in ways we can’t even imagine. All we have to do is say “YES”.

“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs forth, do you not see it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43: 18-19)

Though I’m not exactly where I want to be, I’m thankful for where I am right now. I consider myself lucky to actually be working in my field of study, to have two wonderful roommates who care and pray for me. I am just as in love with musical theatre as I was 10 years ago, and that’s not even the best part. I’m much more in love with who I am today and who I’m gonna be, expecting nothing but greatness for the future, and for the in between.

AUTHOR: ERICA LUDWIG