Listen, Honey: Heartbreak. It sucks.
LISTEN, HONEY
Lessons from ladies who've been there.
Q: Please write a short piece of encouragement for young women who are currently heartbroken.
It sucks. I'm not going to tell you that getting your heart broken isn't anything but sucky. But even when you think it's not going to get better, it does. It doesn't happen overnight and honestly, it might not happen in a week. But day by day, it gets easier and one day, you'll realize you haven't even thought of the person that broke your heart in days. Do whatever you need to help yourself. Have a really good cry (or two or three or four), go by yourself something you've been wanting, get your hair done (but not a perm... you'll regret it), channel your inner Blaire Waldorf and realize you are better than this fool who broke your heart. Get yourself some coffee (or wine if you're 21 cause who’s judging?) and remember that you are a daughter of the King and He loves you, He believes in you and has a better plan for you. One that doesn't involve someone who will break your heart and one that is far better than you can even imagine right now. Trust God's timing and while you wait, eat some pizza, go to the gym and work out some of that frustration and sadness and just keep doin' your thing.
- Maddie Klein; married for almost 2 years
The first thing that came to my mind is Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Draw near to the Lord. He will take your burdens and grief if you give them to him. Prioritize letting Him heal you and make you whole. Only then will you be able to truly love someone else later, if you learn to let the Lord love you now. God sees you, heartache is not new to Him. He has the best remedies to heal your heart. 💕
- Jadyn Winn; married for almost 3 years
Don’t give up. The heartbreaks are what make you stronger. You learn from them. I have been there in a very big way. And now my heart is overflowing with gratitude.
- Jess Trout; married for 1 year
Heartbreaks suck... and unfortunately, when you get married, your heart will still get broken at times. But through every heartbreak, it’s good to focus on things to improve yourself in. It’s also good to remember that every heartbreak happens for a reason. I went through a couple really hard breakups before I met Jason, and each heartbreak brought me closer and closer to finding him! Keep your head up and know, there is someone even better waiting for you!
- Jessi Proffitt; married for 2 years
Only God’s Love is Perfect! Know what he says about you, Read all his promises towards you!! He will heal your heart.
- Silvia Alvarez; married for 13 years
I’ve used this advice for many times in my life and even now remind myself of it each day .... you can be sad, and you can cry... but don’t stay there.
- Trini Stitt; married for 17 years
Girl, we've all been there! It sucks. There is nothing fun about a heartbreak, and most of the time, it takes a longgg time to get over. But don't give up. It DOES get better. Lean on your friends, family, and Christ. You will start to wake up, and he won't be the first thing on your mind that day. And then, before you know it, it will be days in between thinking about him. And then weeks. The pain fades, as you learn to love yourself and find who you are again.
- Taylor Bryant; married for 2 years
If we are going to be open to life in a fallen world, our hearts will be broken. Married or single, it is part of a real life. And heartbreak can turn to bitterness so easily. But it can also teach you compassion and empathy. It can make you a better listener, a better friend, a better human being.
So, my advice is to know you are not alone. Find someone you can pour your story out to, even better if that someone has the courage to tell you when it is time to dust yourself off and get back to living.
If your heartbreak is spiraling into despair, please be willing to pay a therapist to listen. There is no shame in needing help; anyone who is honest knows they cannot go it alone. And you want heartbreak to soften you, not break you into too many pieces.
- Diane Wheeler; married for almost 32 years
Having your heart broken is never an easy feeling. Never get discouraged, or blame yourself. Learn from the relationship what you want, and what you deserve. Pick yourself up and continue to be you. There is someone out there for everyone.
- Charmaine Alexander; married for 16 years
I remember before getting married feeling like it kept taking me by surprise. Most days I couldn't believe it because I looked back on 4 years of college and saw 3 relationships that didn't work out. Some harder than others. One particularly difficult. The kind where you feel like your heart has gotten ripped out and places that you didn't know you could hurt, ache like they are never going to quit. I remember feeling like I was walking alone, not feeling like myself and no one seemed to know it or understand.
Those were some of the hardest days, months of college. I look back on them and they always raise in me a degree of emotion I can't quite explain. Relief that I made it through them and never have to face them again yet mixed with such gratitude to the Lord as those months were days of the sweetest intimacy with the Lord I have experienced. In some weird sense, I wish I'd never experienced them yet wouldn't trade them.
I won't pretend to understand or know the degree of your pain and emotions. I just know it hurts. I know enough from my relationships to know that every person’s break up and experience is different and the hurts you experience vary by situation and vary in degree based on the waves of emotions that seem to relentlessly roll in as you distance yourself from the situation. I remember someone telling me that heartbreak is like a spring. The emotions roll in large and overwhelming then diminish only to come bouncing back again like a spring. Slowly over time, however, the emotions roll in less forcefully, and leave more quickly, till eventually, they stop. For some reason that was the best thing anyone ever told me as I worked through my heart ache. It gave me hope! I had hope on the days when I was weary of dealing with the disappointment, rejection, loss, anger, regret, loneliness, and sadness that it wasn't going to last forever. Life would continue on and this pain wouldn't always be a part of it.
I'm married to a man who absolutely treasures me. I can't believe it. I've cried many times as I think upon the Lord's goodness to me in this area. I've cried as I've reminisced the journey to standing at this point, amazed at the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness. This time is so sweet, not necessarily because I now have someone for forever (I've felt lonely and hurt as a fiance and married woman) but because it's another step in knowing Jesus and it's a step that shines light on his redemptive work on the cross and in my life. I cry tears of joy now because it's as if stepping into marriage has shined this brilliant light on what the Lord has done in my life and it fills me with the deepest gratitude. He's redeemed my disappointment. He's redeemed my sense of rejection. He's redeemed my many regrets. He's redeemed my sense of betrayal. He's redeemed my loss. He redeemed my crushed self-perception. He's redeemed my dreams. He's redeemed my future plans. I look and realize there is not a portion of my crushed and needy heart that he has not built back up into something more beautiful. And not only has it been built back up but it's been fortified with the love of God and the truth that I first belong to him and the statutes of his kingdom. I look back now and realize God has brought my heart to a place where I could stand on an altar and commit my life to someone else no matter what befalls my heart in the process (no fear!) because I have Jesus and he holds me. He holds Brandon. And he holds us together. I don't know that I could have learned this if I hadn't walked through some of the pain I did.
I don't know what the Lord has for you. I don't know how he will redeem. I don't know the colors or the brushstrokes of the masterpiece he is painting with you, but I know that he is. I know he is taking seemingly dark colors and blending them into a brilliant and bright masterpiece. I'm seeing it in my own life first hand. I know I now have the luxury of standing on the other side and looking back on the journey. I treasure it, but I wouldn't walk it again. In sum, really all I want to say is keep fighting! You are going to make it! There are the most beautiful things ahead!
- Hannah Sherrill; married for 1 and a half years
Being brokenhearted is painful, but you can bring your pain and tears to God who is able to heal and mend your broken heart, and ask for a different perspective about the breakup, maybe God is saving you for much pain later so He is closing the doors now.
- Unesa Aure Magnaye; married for 24 years
I know it’s hard. And there is nothing like it. But don’t count this heartbreak or even that past relationship as time wasted. I promise it is crafting an even greater picture for you of the man your heart desires, and also the type of man it does not desire. All my life, I thought I had a “type.” I thought I knew the traits I wanted in a man, and I thought I knew the ideals for who that man would be. Let me tell you that I got that man. He was everything that was my type and more. He was my entire picture of an “ideal guy.” Let me also tell you, at that time, it wasn’t Jon. Jon was so far from the man I thought I needed, and he resembled nothing of the type of guy I thought I would go for. But that “ideal guy” broke my heart. He challenged me to my core. He made me questioned my identity and all of who I was as a woman. And I am so grateful for that “ideal man” and all of the ways he let me down and all of the heartache I endured because while he let me down, he opened my eyes. And I wouldn’t be married to the man I am married to today had my eyes not been open, my control not been surrendered, and my heart not been broken. He changed my standards. And in changing my standards, I discovered what was truly important. And in that mess of a heartbreak, I found myself. And after finding myself and my standards, I met Jon.
- Andrea Hyre; married for a year and a half
Jesus is your healer. Allow yourself to be enveloped by Him. Run to His presence every day. You will find he is your healer, your strength, your defender, your rock.
Lynne Wells; married for 27 years
God is in the healing business. His grace is enough for any hurt. Pour yourself, your heart and your hurts out to Him. Remember that one person on this earth cannot define all of your future relationships. As you pray make your focus that of changing your own heart and mind. God is always graciously gentle and straight-forward. He will show you the good, the bad and the ugly about yourself and you will emerge from your pain a healed, strong, stable, purposeful and more sensitive person.
Kelly Bernadsky; married for 26 years
I had several excruciating breakups - the kind where you lay in the bathroom floor and cry until there are no tears left. The Father sees each and every tear, and His heart hurts for you. Let Him be your comfort. Let Him into the tender areas of your heart, and trust that His plan for you is better than whatever you had your heart set on.
Nicole Lee; married for 7 years
Remember and cherish these feelings. Your heartbreak shows how deeply you can love. It also will make the joy to come that much sweeter.
Rosemary Avance; married for 11 years
Never ever think that your broken relationship was a waste of time and life!!! It goes back to the surrendered heart or love tank. Give the broken heart to the Lord. It’s like labor - your broken heart hurts like nothing else for awhile, but the Lord will always birth something new if you have given it to Him. He is able to create, redeem, bring dead things alive and more!!
Andrea Spinardi; married for 27 years
Time heals all wounds and all of these you are going through will pass. There are people who are meant to leave us and there are also people who are meant to stay. Everything we go through in our lives has lessons to be learned to make us stronger, wiser and more appreciative when we do find the right one who truly deserves our time and efforts.
- Jenny Guillory; married for 7 and a half years
I didn’t experience being heartbroken because I only had one boyfriend but I do know people who got heartbroken to the point that it affected them mentally. And it’s sad. Time can mend deepest wounds but always believe that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. When I am hurt, I always think that there are many people out there who are deeply suffering for different reasons and that helps me to be thankful for what I have and move on. And if a relationship doesn’t work then count it as a sign that that person is not meant for you and someone out there will come and love you more than you’ll ever think.
- Angela Mozaffar; married for 30 and a half years
You have to come to terms with the fact that you may never be the same person you once were. But that does not have to be a bad thing. You can take that pain and use it as a tool to shape yourself into something new and powerful.
- Caroline Chandler; married for 5 years
I have been there, and it is terrible. Do what you need to do in order to heal, and don’t rush it. Face the pain and rely on Christ to carry your heart. I know this won’t help in the moment, but you will not feel this way forever! Take this chance to listen to God and see where He takes you. I promise it will be worth it!
- Kristen Pope; married for almost 2 years