To All The Boys I Thought I Loved Before by Erica Ludwig

Thank you. Thank you for not being what I needed, even though in the moment, you were what I wanted.

Thank you for showing me how sweet history is between people, and sometimes timing is truly everything. Actually most of the time, timing is truly everything. Thank you for ghosting me because it reminded me that just because someone is good, that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do the confrontational thing.

Thank you for showing me what isn’t healthy- that just because someone comes on strong doesn’t mean you can’t speak up. Thank you for showing me you don’t have to be a lesser version of  yourself for anyone. Because of you, I began to learn what I deserved and what was unacceptable, and got to the root of an even deeper issue in my life.

Thank you for breaking my heart at 17. I still wish it wasn’t over a text message, but I’m thankful you ended up with who you were supposed to. I truly believe God was protecting both of us from compromising our boundaries. In the end, we were young and had no idea what a relationship really was. Thank you for being my first boyfriend.

And to the boy I just couldn’t seem to get over: thank you for being a friend to me even when you had plenty of reasons not to be. I know that I didn’t make it easy for you. I’m sorry I came on so strong all those years, and I hope you’re doing well.

…

If you’ve been keeping up with trends, frequent Buzzfeed, or at the very least, have a Netflix account, you’ve likely heard of the Jenny Han book turned Netflix original film, “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”. In short, it’s about a 16 year old hopeless romantic, Lara Jean Covey, who instead of going to high school parties, spends her nights reading romance novels and watching The Golden Girls. That all changes the year her older sister, Margo, leaves for college. It's a new school year for Lara Jean and her younger sister Kitty, who can’t help but notice Lara Jean’s lack of social life. So what does she do? Only secretly mails five love letters Lara Jean had privately written to five different crushes over the years! In a series of unexpected events, our protagonist finds herself in her first relationship with one Peter Kavinsky, the most popular guy in school and a recipient of one of the infamous letters, thanks to a game of spin the bottle in the 7th grade. The only problem with this relationship is the whole thing is a ploy to make Peter’s ex-girlfriend jealous, and to avert Josh, another letter recipient of Lara Jean’s and Margo’s recent ex-boyfriend, from confronting Lara Jean about the letter and her feelings. Everything goes according to plan until Lara Jean and Peter realize they would rather be in a real relationship instead of pretend. Spoiler: They end up together, and it’s adorable. Straight out of a John Hughes movie with plenty of references to boot.

As an entertainment purist, there is so much to appreciate about this movie. Not only does it pay homage to 80s pop culture from Sixteen Candles  to The Golden Girls to “Everybody Wants to Rule The World”, it also has a cameo by the author Jenny Han, witty dialogue, and a cast with amazing chemistry. I mean, the fact that John Corbett (Sex and the City; My Big Fat Greek Wedding) plays the loveable, gotta love him for trying, dad to the Covey girls is already a bonus, but then when you see how well the movie is done from casting to screenplay and everything in between, it proves itself an excellent example of adapting a work of literature for the screen. Netflix set their original movie Rom Com bar high with this one. TATBILB reminded me why I love cheesy, teen rom coms in the first place: it spoke to high school me just as much as it spoke to 24 year old me. Now that’s the ultimate #TenYearChallenge. The protagonist isn’t the stereotypical nerdy girl. In fact, she isn’t really a stereotype at all. Lara Jean Covey is the average girl next door with a flare and style of her own. She’s confident, yet slightly insecure. Beautiful, but doesn’t know it. She’s content with her life, but still wants more. She’s me.

I related to Lara Jean from the very first time I watched this film. But as I continued to rewatch and obsess over it again and again, as many others did (seriously, this movie came out in August of 2018 and people are still rewatching and talking about it), the more similarities I took note of between myself and Lara Jean. Lana Condor so brilliantly captures this character in a way that makes you empathize with her in one way or another, but this was different. I have always been the type to stay in and watch my favorite show instead of go out. I may not have been much of a reader like Lara Jean, but you could often find me getting lost in the fantasy of a romantic movie. Like most 16 year olds, I too struggled to keep my room clean. I also lost my mom at a very young age to a disease. And while I believe I was a little more social in high school, I wouldn’t exactly call myself popular. Looking back, I think I was the butt of many jokes.  In fact, I often walked the tightrope of confidence and insecurity, especially when it came to my appearance.

But unlike Lara Jean Covey, most of my crushes knew without a doubt exactly how I felt about them. Subtlety wasn’t exactly my strong suit in my teenage and college years, to say the least. And it dawned on me the other day that it has been ten years since I was a freshman in high school. Honestly, I still can’t believe it. I remember a time before Instagram and Snapchat, when Facebook was the biggest social media platform. In the last ten years, I’ve crushed. HARD. I’ve had almost relationships. I’ve had some great first dates and some not so great ones. I’ve been ghosted. As hard as that all was, I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it’s made me who I am today. If there’s one thing I’m learning now, it’s making peace with your past while growing towards the person you want to be. It’s like old Rafiki from The Lion King says,

“Ah yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

Though I’m not exactly proud of how I’ve approached dating in the past, it’s part of my story. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend and I’m truly thankful because I know now that I wouldn’t have been able to handle that kind of heartbreak before. I’m relieved to say I’m finally happy being single, while posturing myself to be hopeful and expectant for what God wants to do in that area of my life. I’m learning how to better love myself every day through taking steps out of my comfort zone and checking things off my bucket list: seeing the Brooklyn Bridge, visiting friends in cities I’ve never been to, and having a 90s themed birthday party are all things I’ve been able to do in the last three years. I finally feel like I’m living on my terms and growing into the person I’ve always wanted to be, not just the person I felt like I had to be. I encourage you all to do the same this Valentine’s day.

AUTHOR: ERICA LUDWIG